Email Annoyances

EMAIL ANNOYANCES (MSN.com)
· Don't thank me. If you're my boss and appreciate something I've done, that's cool. Otherwise, bag it. I hate being thanked, particularly with a "thx." And don't copy me when you thank someone else, either, unless they saved a little girl from a well or something. I'm busy dealing with the other 150 e-mails I got today.

· In fact, don't copy me on something that's just going to annoy me. If something is going wrong and you need to unload: Call me. Otherwise, you're using the electronic bypass to avoid my 18-wheeler as we trundle down the information superhighway.

· But don't forget to copy me if I should know about it. That's right. I'm inconsistent. Figure it out. Knowing when to get people involved and when to leave them out is a basic management skill.

· Don't make me think about anything for more than 15 seconds. Send me 12 long single-spaced paragraphs and I'll send you the bill for a bump up on my bifocal prescription.

· Don't expect a response to every e-mail. I don't expect you to answer me all the time, either. I put the letters NRN -- no reply necessary -- at the end of most of my e-mails. It cuts down on "Thx" and "Will do" and "No problem" replies from people who think I want them.

· E-mail is perhaps the least congenial forum for anything funny, dire, or personal. Unless you're an Oscar-winning screenwriter, play it straight. No sarcasm. No emotions. Anything really worth saying should be said on the phone. Or in person.

· If there's an article with my name in it or a picture of my dog, send it along. But sucking up with pointless "thought you might like this" e-mails is crying wolf: Next time you send one that really matters, I'll be that much more likely to ignore it.

· Go easy on the CC field, especially when you're venting or playing politics.

· Unless you're indispensable, don't get too personal. Sure, the EVP of Human Resources is e-mailing his wine broker 20 times a day, but selective enforcement of laws is what totalitarian states are all about.

· Business language is English. Weird gizmotic lingo is for MySpace or AIM. We're at the office. Write like a smart person, not a vowel-challenged moron.

· Don't be too boring, though. With close business associates, you may toss in a random "Dude," even. People like to be called dude, especially stone square pegs in Accounting and Finance. It makes them feel like hipsters.

· Don't become a zombie. It is now possible to conduct virtually your entire career like a boneless homunculus, basking in the glow of a computer screen. But come on. It's nice outside. Give it a try. Oh yeah, and ...

· Leave your BlackBerry at home when you go to the beach. And turn it off at night, too. You have other hardware that needs attention after hours, don't you, Dude?