I laughed out loud on Monday Morning reading this...very good points!
Wayne

Wedding Gift Calculator(I Hate Weddings.com)

Why We Need A Wedding Gift Calculator

· The biggest chore for a wedding guest is to decide how much money to put in the envelope.
· Not all weddings are equal.
· Therefore every couple getting married does not deserve the same gift.
· When giving a gift for a wedding there are many factors you should consider so that you don't look cheap and more importantly so that you don't give too much.

Date Or No Date

The "I Hate Weddings.com Gift Calculator" starts off with a base figure of $75.00.

You brought a date to the wedding.
Add $75.00

You were invited to bring a date but couldn't find one.
Add $25.00

You were not invited to bring a date.
Subtract $25.00

You were not invited to bring a date but brought one anyway.
Add $5.00

Is The Bride Pregnant?
Subtract $25.00

The bride is pregnant and showing.
Add $50.00

The bride looks pregnant but you aren't sure if she's pregnant or heavy.
Add $25.00

The bride is not pregnant but you've been telling others guests that she is.
Add $50.00

The bride is pregnant but the groom is not the baby's father.
Add $50.00

The bride is pregnant and you may be the baby's father.
Add $100.00

The bride was pregnant and the baby is now a toddler and was a member of the bridal party.
(Because they had the decency to make sure the relationship was going to last before getting married)
Add $75.00

Married Before?

This is the bride or groom's second or third marriage
Subtract $50.00

This is the bride or groom's fourth marriage.
(Persistence is its own reward) Subtract $25.00

The Meal and Alcohol

Open Bar for alcohol
Add $25.00

Cash Bar for alcohol
(*Ask for a receipt every time you order a drink. Deduct the total amount of money you spent on alcohol. Then put the receipts in the envelope with your gift)
Subtract *

Dinner is served Buffet Style
Subtract $10.00

The reception is a Denny's Breakfast buffet.
Subtract $20.00

Cash Bar for soda **
(**If they charge you for soda at the wedding DO NOT GIVE A GIFT. Immediately, go to the bride, kick her in the shin and then go home.)