How To Install a Poor-man's Security System: Go to a second-hand store,
buy a pair of men's used work boots - a really big pair. Put them outside
your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish
beside it. A really big dog dish.

Leave a note on your front door that says something like: "Bill, big
Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in ½ hr.
Don't disturb the pitbulls; they've just been de-wormed."